Being present to each other here and now, with all of our depths and heights, only a few of as are willing to give a try.
It’s exactly one year since I stopped working for Oracle, the company that provided me the monthly financial security for a good 10 years. What I am doing nowadays, a lot of people do not understand it, or underestimate it. I’ve heard an acquaintance asking someone about the yoga classes led by me, and the answer was: Edó-sort-of-yoga?
I am not, and never was a person who is hiding behind his or her credentials or degrees. None of these would make any sense if I had not integrated the teachings. I would only mislead people. But on my workshops I often make reference to my teachers, If anyone has ears to hear, they do hear it. It is difficult to see the change, the value in our neighbors, acquaintances, family members. Usually these people are serving as the best meal to our mind that adores to classify, to label. If someone unknown to us who speaks a different language, who practices that dubious yoga, but his CV is beautifully embroidered with spirituality, with life coaching experience, we instantly lend his or her exoticness our trust. But being present to each other here and now, with all of our depths and heights, only a few of as are willing to give a try. Are you with us?
Still, if we lived fully, being present with all of our hearts, we simply can not resist this: the energy of the heart moves everything that lies deeply and what dwells on the surface is only a show, a cinema, arrangement, decoration. The brave ones live to the fullest, the cowards ere staring. Those who have courage live with whom they live, with what they integrate, with what they learned to use. They act, they are doing. Doing asks for decisions. Decisions mean bearing responsibilities for the consequences. Acting means risking: I risk everything I had, everything that existed till this point for something I do not know how is going to end. There is absolutely no guarantee that I will succeed.
And the questions such as “Can you make a living from yoga/constellations/ life coaching/essential oils/whatever you are doing?” started to drop away. Slowly it became more and more obvious that yes, I could make a living out of all of these, because I simply did not starve to death.
In order to assume the risk of this change, of this leap of faith I needed everything from my past. I needed so many: I do not fear the ministerial velvet chair the way I am not afraid of the toilet cleaning brush. I needed to know that if one step or choice of mine received no support from life, I still can be everything that my talents make me capable of. I needed that basic belief and experience that I can always make it, because the opportunities are endless. I needed the primordial faith that Life keeps me safe and takes care of me in its own way that suits me the best, offering me exactly what I need (and not what I thoroughly and exhaustively have been planning to achieve), no more, no less.
On the core level of everything that happens in me I discover the same inner impulse: gradually becoming identical with the divine soul that dwells in me. Integrating life fully, as it is. Life exists, without premonitions and signs. We need to clean everything that is in excess so that we can see why we are here, what is the purpose of our existence. This means continuous risk taking. I can not know for sure if people still come to me, if they still read the books I wrote, if they still want what I am, what I can offer. So I have to accept in every blink that it really could happen people would not want what I offer to them any more. There is a chance that what I say, what I do will alienate those who are close to me now, those who by seeking for help actually are helping me in my development, in my work. But there is no turning back. I can not pretend any more, there is no as if, when my whole existence lives something else fully. I can not utter half words, half truths, I can not interrupt my own gestures. I can not go back behind the games of diplomacy, behind the masks of learnt behaving. Or at least not consciously. I am left with freelancing, free-falling, free flying. with the risk that I might fail, I might fall, I might sink. With the risk that I can remain alone in every single minute but not lonely, because Life holds me as long as it wants me.
One can feel horrifying fear only out of the ego. The spirit is simple, eternal, bright. I did experience it. It is such a bright light, so obvious, without any firework or hype, so simple that it can even seem to be unimportant compared to these. Still, it’s the only thing that is really valuable, the only one thing that can shine a meaning on my whole existence here.
© Gergely Edó
Translated from Hungarian by Júlia Andorkó